User:Lieutenant Lollipop

Lieutenant Lollipop, also known as Lt. Lollipop and formerly known as Alucard and Count Cutflaik, is a righteous troll who got his "fame" by posting all kinds of shit and personal life stories that thoroughly confused a lot of people, but also spawned a lot of potential lulz on ZeldaUniverse around the 8m mark. To start, it's easy enough to hate him any day of the week on general principles. But now I'll tell you about some very specific things that he's up to, a thing that ought to make a real Lt. Lollipop-Hater out of you. He really struck a nerve with you when he said that he can absorb mana by devouring his nemesis' brains. In fact, to understand just how cruel he is, you first need to realize that he is not as unstable or noxious as you might think. He's more so.



Of Utmost Importance
May I be cynical for a bit? I hope you don't mind, but with Lt. Lollipop's latest barrage of grotesque deeds, I can't resist the urge to make a few cynical comments.

Is his head really buried too deep in the sand to know that his janissaries always detect profound wisdom in what is most incomprehensible to them personally? To help answer that question I will offer a single anecdote. A few weeks ago, I overheard some cold-blooded bugger tell everyone who passed by that it is Lt. Lollipop's moral imperative to criticize other people's beliefs, fashion sense, and lifestyle. Astounded, I asked this person if he realized that Lt. Lollipop thrives on the victimization of others. Not only was his answer "no" but it was also news to him that Lt. Lollipop's theories are sheer hypothesis—speculation with not even a scintilla of circumstantial evidence to support the fags. Yes, I could add that he exhibits certain features that a humanitarian may be inclined to deplore, but I wanted to keep my message simple and direct. I didn't want to distract you from the main thrust of my message, which is that Lt. Lollipop's apostles have tried repeatedly to assure me that Lt. Lollipop will eventually tire of his plan to exploit the feelings of charity and guilt that many people have over the plight of the homeless and will then step aside and let us give him condign punishment. When that will happen is unclear—probably sometime between "don't hold your breath" and "beware of flying pigs". If there's an untold story here, it's that we wouldn't currently have a problem with collectivism if it weren't for him. Although Lt. Lollipop created the problem, aggravated the problem, and escalated the problem, he insists that he can solves the problem if we just grant him more power. How naïve does Lt. Lollipop think we are? Truly, he has been trying for some time to convince people that people don't mind having their communities turned into war zones. He has just been offering that line as a means to shame my name.

Scapegoats And Shit
Lt. Lollipop seeks scapegoats for his own shortcomings by blaming the easiest target he can find, that is, blockish, maladroit braggadocios. Accordingly, I, for one, have never been in favor of being gratuitously yellow-bellied. I have also never been in favor of sticking my head in the sand or of refusing to replace today's chaos and lack of vision with order and a supreme sense of purpose. I find it necessary, if I am to meet my reader on something like a common ground of understanding, to point out that if Lt. Lollipop is going to make an emotional appeal then he should also include a rational argument. I am troubled by his constant exaggerations and half-truths. If that fact hurts, get over it; it's called reality. And for another dose of reality, consider that I must admit that I've read only a small fraction of his writings. (As a well-known aphorism states, it is not necessary to eat all of an apple to learn that it is rotten.) Nevertheless, I've read enough of Lt. Lollipop's writings to know that he has a natural talent for complaining. He can find any aspect of life and whine about it for hours upon hours. While reading this letter, you may have occasionally asked yourself, "Where is all of this leading?" and, "What is the point exactly?" I deliberately wrote in the style I did so that you may come up with your own conclusions. Therefore, I leave you with only the following: He's is never without a stroppy thing to say.